I lied that i dont have any digital letters, infact i still kept them not having the courage to send them to you like you do. I lied that i loved you only a halfway through, I loved you whole heart and we both know the grudge in your heart will eager to ask tons of questions on why and how. I lied that I gave no more things to give nor even letters, but I do yet I do not have the courage. The amount of suffering towards myself as I lead myself keep on hurting you turns me into someone else. Someone whom I never wish to become even tho I wanted to be better and better for you. The amount of hatred to myself as I see you suffering with me. I lied that I wanted to leave you with somebody else, when infact I really wanted to be with you but because of my foolishness I made myself lose interest in everything that someone else came to comfort me. I lied to everyone that Im alright without you, when clearly IM NOT. I lied, that I already forgave myself when Im still carrying the guilt in my heart for what I did. I lied to myself that I don’t love you, when infact I realized that the person whom I loved the most other than someone else from the very past was you. I did miss that someone crom the very past but it turns out, I only missed the memories. The one whom I really missed in every part, is YOU. But I will never get that chance saying that to you because of my foolishness. I will never get that chance how meaningful you are to me. I WILL NEVER get that chance ever again because I was the one who left, who hurt you, who let you suffer even tho I never wish for that to happen. I cannot let you suffer more and more with me as I will face every consequences I will get. And yet if fate let us meet each other, will I able to say those things? I don’t think so as I will always remember the things that will put up within my guilt that lit ups the amount of hatred to myself.

As Niki said “Take a chance with me” But I can’t let you give me another chance as you know the amount of anger of your heart towards me is still there. And yet if one day if you were to choose, will you ever give very one last chance? Will it be me or to someone who deserves it. We don’t really know. But if we meet again, Let me know if you see this letter.

I know you’re doing great and well and Im really happy and very proud. More likely the proudest person for you out there other than your family ofc because I know by far most they’re the proudest, specially your Dad. I hope somewhere along people will appreciate and grateful of having you as I do.