I don’t know if it was the mixed signals you gave me or that you were just friendly. I don’t know if it was the questions you asked about me or if you were just being friendly. I believe that you knew what you were doing with leading me on yet keeping me at arms distance.
But when you gave us a chance my obsession with you was let down by how much you really didn’t care. My trauma with trying to prove myself to those who don’t want me led me to your attempt at more than friends.
I just knew I was being used as a place holder and my body began to reject you and my mental health went down with all the anxiety your nonchalant, bare minimum, and avoidance.
I left you saying I’m just too mentally ill for any romance, as true as that may be, there were a thousand things that you did to hurt me that I didn’t say. You wanted to still be friends but my fixation with you had to be stopped and so I went no contact. I wish my mania had painted the true picture of you so that I wouldn’t have been so let down.
I still idolize you even though I saw the true colors or maybe just your limitations of giving love, or possibly the illusions of limerence and unrequited love, I don’t know. All I know is I wish I still wish I could have been enough for you and I know that’s screwed because you were enough for me.